AUGUST 6, 2006

The Big Day has finally arrived.

I can't believe it -- in only a few more minutes Shawn and I will be married.

During the last couple of days, I've realized it is one thing to plan a wedding but it's another to actually experience it happening. Everything is going more perfectly than I could have imagined. I certainly didn't expect all of the emotion that has accompanied the "show," so to speak.

I know I was fighting having all of the 4400's attend but then when we were greeting everyone (many of whom Shawn had met when he was first returned or who have come to him for help since he joined The Center) it actually felt good to have included them. They acted like we were giving them a gift by inviting them. Shawn was right to insist they come. It really has made the event that much more special and exciting.

Shawn's family was so welcoming to me. I knew his mother was excited but all these people -- cousins and uncles and aunts -- were just beaming with their happiness for Shawn and me. I've never seen anything like it. Shawn so rarely spends any time with his family and he hardly ever talks about them, that I sometimes forget he even has a family, not to mention a big one.

Hearing his younger brother, Danny, make his toast -- despite the bad blood between them -- was a truly humanizing experience. I think it meant a lot for Shawn to hear his brother wish him well and be genuinely proud and happy for him.

All these moments over the last few days have made me reflect on what I'm missing in my own life. I didn't have a big family to begin with, but losing my mom left a big hole, one that feels even bigger on this day. I wish my mother were here to see me walk down the aisle. I know she loved Shawn; I think she would've been happy.

I wonder if Shawn and I will ever have our own family. I probably shouldn't let myself think about it, but I swear, this wedding has made me emotional in a way I've never been before.

The only cloud over all of this has been Shawn's random disappearing acts. I don't think he's having the typical case of "cold feet" -- nothing about this wedding has been typical. My dad has been trying to reassure me that Shawn has just needed some time to himself before the ceremony, but I am concerned that Shawn has been struggling with something much bigger than that.

But now, my Dad just let me know that Shawn is here and is ready. Shawn missed most of the picture-taking, but we can make those up after the ceremony. Now it's time to get started and make this happen, finally.

OK, Isabelle, take a deep breath. You look gorgeous. You feel good. The man you love, the one you're supposed to be with, is waiting for you. The music has begun. That's your cue.

Wait, what the hell is going on? It sounds like a riot has broken out outside...

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